#99: Long-term relationships

The problem of gender relations at Notre Dame is one of the biggest complaints people have about student life at the school.  Students complain that the combination of single-sex dorms and parietals is a system of the past that discourages friendship between the sexes (see #63).  The continuance of dorm parties being informally restricted to men’s halls (see #98) even further separates the genders on a day-to-day basis and leads to awkwardness at all turns. 

The result of these things is that men and women at Notre Dame do not often foster actual friendships with each other or even really go on informal dates with one another.  Instead, men and women at Notre Dame consistently find their sole interaction in long-term relationships.

Notre Dame does not have a significant dating culture.  One day, Notre Dame Students are hooking up together, and the next day sees them turning around Claddagh rings (see #6) and changing Facebook statuses to show and tell the world that they have entered into a relationship.  The lack of dating at Notre Dame stems not only from the complete lack of avenues to develop rich friendships between the sexes, but it also is caused by the lack of nearby dating options.  Although this could be changing with the recently opened Eddy Street Commons, the fact that Notre Dame exists in its own little bubble, distinctly separated from the outside, leaves students with few places to go on dates beyond the dining halls.  While “dining hall dates” are certainly popular, their awkwardness is a further detractor from a dating culture in general.

However, the lack of a dating culture does not mean a lack of relationships.  Notre Dame Students love entering into long-term relationships primarily because they love the idea of marriage (see #91), but also because they love all of the things that go along with long-term relationships. 

Notre Dame men like long-term relationships because they sometimes grant them an opportunity to go beyond the Notre Dame Hook-Up and into a new territory of intimacy (see #21).  These men have a person to consistently break parietals with, and this gives them an opportunity to show their friends and hallmates how awesome they are (even if they are not awesome at all).

Notre Dame women like long-term relationships for reasons beyond the direction of their Claddagh rings.  For women, a long-term relationship gives them a strong group of friends to hang out with that they might not have if they only hang out with other girls.  It’s no secret that Notre Dame men form stronger groups and have a more intense level of brotherhood between them than Notre Dame women, and so they are happy to allow girls into their groups when their friends begin a relationship.  Because of this, many Notre Dame women end up being better friends with their boyfriends’ hallmates than they ever were with their own hallmates.  The relationship, therefore, allows a Notre Dame woman to become a part of all the things that make men’s halls great, like room pick drama (see #80), playing video games, and the weekly hugfest known as the Rite of Peace during Sunday night dorm Mass (see #10).

Once they come together in their long- term relationships, Notre Dame Couples like all of the things that make a relationship great.  They like spooning on couches where everybody can see them (see #27), wearing each others sweatpants (see #49), and playing footsy while “studying” together in LaFortune (see #68).  They like watching Love, Actually together and arguing about how justified Mark’s actions are (see #69).  They like walking around the lakes, actual dates at Papa Vino’s, and staying in on weekend nights because they no longer need to look for dance-floor makeouts at dorm parties and Finny’s. 

Overall, Notre Dame Students like long-term relationships because they like to love and be loved.  They like the consistency that comes with a relationship, and hate having to resort to the hook- up culture.  They like to think that the person they are dating is the one they will be with for the rest of their life, that they will get married to each other in the Basilica, watch their kids become Notre Dame Students in their own right, and that they will grow old together and live happily ever after.

#98: Dorm parties

Without a Greek system at Notre Dame (see #79), students have to rely on different ways than the stereotypical frat party to have their fun.  With a relatively small number of students living off-campus, part of this desire for large raging parties is quenched by the occasional house party, and part of it is satisfied by the even rarer multi-house bonanza (like PigTostal or St. Patrick’s Day).  However, the most common form of partying (that is incredibly unique to Notre Dame) are the dorm parties that ring out across campus every Friday and Saturday night.

Dorm parties are made possible by the incredibly relaxed rules on drinking in many of the men’s residence halls.  While underage drinking is technically not allowed by the rules of ResLife and the Notre Dame Administration, many of the rectors and hall staffs usually turn a blind eye to the consumption of beer within the walls of their hall (but do not extend the same courtesy to hard alcohol).  These rectors believe that since the students are going to act like college students no matter what they do, it is best for them to make their “poor” decisions in a somewhat safe environment within the dorms.  Likewise, because rectresses are usually irrational and crazy (see #59), dorm parties are de facto restricted to men’s dorms.

Dorm parties are a unique type of party which involves a lot of planning and teamwork (see #25).  The first hurdle in planning a dorm party is getting the beer in the dorm.  While hall staff will turn a blind eye to an actual party, they will confiscate beer if they see it.  This means that students must get a 21-year-old to purchase the beer, and then meet him at a discreet location such as Main Circle where the students (almost always freshmen) pick up the beer in duffle bags and carry it back to the dorm.  If a student is caught by police during this process, things will probably end up poorly for him and “pourly” for the beer. 

Once students have obtained beer and secured it in their rooms, the next step in planning a party is to publicize it.  While usually achieved by creating incredibly clever themes (even though almost nobody dresses to the theme), Notre Dame dorm parties usually have a corresponding Facebook event so that their organizers can invite all of the girls they know (men are not invited to dorm parties in another dorm). 

On the day of the party, students clear out all of the small furniture from one or two rooms in their section and make sure that any bars in nearby rooms are well-stocked.  After emptying small furniture and valuables from the rooms, plastic is used to wrap any dressers, desks or beds that might be remaining to prevent them from getting spilled or vomited on.  Notre Dame Students then set up sound systems with the perfect Notre Dame Playlist for the occasion.  Finally, beer is put on ice in a plethora of trash cans in any party room so that it can be easily accessible and cold when people arrive.

Once the party begins, Notre Dame Students turn off the lights in the party rooms (aside from some accent lighting like Christmas lights, strobe lights, or blacklights) and watch as the room fills until it is overflowing with people.  Inside the party room, Notre Dame Students “dance” and “drink” in near- complete darkness while things get really hot and people sweat profusely.  Outside the party room, RAs and rectors monitor the halls, but turn a blind eye to the debauchery happening within the party room.  As long as the doors stay closed, people stay out of the hallway, and nobody is found vomiting in the bathroom, hall staffs in most of the men’s dorms don’t care about what is occurring..  Once the clock strikes 2 A.M., dorm parties are promptly brought to a close by parietals and students drunkenly spill out of the parties and into the friendly confines of Reckers or LaFortune (see #14).

Notre Dame Students like dorm parties because they are a uniquely weird and dorky way of drinking that can  be found only at a school like Notre Dame.  They also like dorm parties for other reasons.  The men who host dorm parties like them because they give girls a reason to come to their rooms, and these parties make it so that the men don’t even have to go outside into the harsh South Bend weather (see #43) for a fun and eventful night of drinking.  Students also love dorm parties because their dark and crowded nature leads to plenty of dance floor makeouts (sometimes even accidentally), which always lends itself to the possibility of a Notre Dame Hook-Up only a few doors down in the man’s bedroom (see #21).  Furthermore, Notre Dame Students love dorm parties because underclassmen can host them on their own, and can avoid having to go to house parties hosted by people they don’t even know.  

However, the biggest reason Notre Dame Students like dorm parties is that they give them an opportunity to drink without risking their stellar reputations with ridiculous arrests.  Since police and NDSP don’t normally come in the dorms, the only people that can get a dorm party patron in trouble are the hall staff, and even when hall staff intervene in out-of-control parties, they usually don’t do much more than send people stumbling off to Reckers.  Notre Dame Students like the safety from arrest that dorm parties provide, and this is the primary reason they have such an affinity for dorm parties.          

#92: Overly elaborate dorm room configurations

It’s already established that residence halls are an important part of life for Notre Dame Students.  At many colleges, dorms might be simply the place where students sleep at night and have a desk to occasionally work; but for Notre Dame Students, dorms actually become their home (and remain as a home for them even after they move out).  In an effort to make their rooms more homey, Notre Dame Students plan and construct the most elaborate dorm rooms possible.

To begin their room construction, Notre Dame Students start at the floor by purchasing wall-to-wall carpeting to cover the tile.  While throw rugs would certainly be the easiest option, Notre Dame Students know that cutting carpeting to perfectly fit their rooms not only looks great and feels comfortable, but requires the extra bit of effort that makes a perfect dorm room (despite the fact that it’s impossible to adequately clean vomit and beer spills out of carpeting).

After their floors are covered, Notre Dame Students will then look for the most efficient way to fit all of the essential beds, desks, wardrobes and dressers into their room.  Being efficient with this is not only important because it saves space for extraneous items later, but it also shows how clever Notre Dame Students can be with using limited resources and building things.  Most Notre Dame Students determine that the best way to go with these essential items is up, and they build elaborate lofts to make their rooms into multi-level enterprises with their beds (and sometimes even desks) high enough off the floor so that they can walk under them and plan a further living space. 

Once they have their essential furniture in place, and have made sure that they have enough room for the largest possible desk chair they can buy at Office Depot, Notre Dame Students shift their attention to the living spaces that are more important to them.  Many students will construct television stands that sometimes act as lofts themselves, oftentimes with room for two or more televisions, mini-fridges, video game systems, sound systems, and cable boxes. 

Notre Dame Students will want their rooms to fit multiple televisions so that they can watch several things at once (especially during football season), and entice as many people as possible to congregate in their room.  To successfully do this, Notre Dame Students will do their best to maximize seating by having multiple couches and chairs in their rooms.  Furthermore, they will maximize viewing opportunities from these couches by raising one or more on cinder blocks above others to create a stadium seating atmosphere that improves sightlines to televisions and shows how serious the residents are about watching sporting events.

As the icing on the cake, Notre Dame Students will construct elaborate bars in their rooms that they will use to host parties and pregames.  These bars will usually have at least one fridge behind them (and oftentimes a blender), as well as a stockpile of liquors, mixers, and a wide array of drinking glasses of all shapes and sizes.  After that, Notre Dame Students will clutter up the walls of their rooms with posters, pennants, flags (see #55), and bar neons in an inexplicable attempt to recreate the atmosphere of a TGI Friday's.

Once they are finished, Notre Dame Students will invite all of their friends over to see how awesome their room is.  They will show it off to people they don’t even know to make themselves feel good.  They will use their awesome room to throw parties and entice people to it, and they will end up losing money maintaining their stockpile of liquor behind the bar.  Ultimately, Notre Dame Students will love these rooms, because once they are complete; they will truly be home.

#87: Fist Pumps

There are many ways for people to show their excitement in times of happiness.  Some people laugh, some people cry, some people display crazily large smiles on their faces, and some people jump for joy.  For Notre Dame Students, however, happiness is oftentimes displayed at bars, sporting events, and dorm parties by the variety of fist pumping (both Mike Brey style and not) that they engage in.

At football games, Notre Dame Students engage in fist pumps almost as often as they complain about how their version of The Shirt is fitting (see #2) or tout the inside information that is almost certainly false (see #8).  Usually their directions for fist pumping are given by the marching band that has developed different types of fist pumps for different situations.  If something good could potentially happen on the field, and the team needs pumping up, the band cues the crowd to get really quiet and do an overly complicated fist pump routine that takes Notre Dame Students their entire freshmen year to actually comprehend.  Whether or not this helps the football team is unclear.

Likewise, Notre Dame Students augment and change their fist pumps for various other cheers and situations.  They make an initial of their coach’s name when the band plays the 1812 Overture.  They mock the FSU tomahawk chop when the band plays the Imperial March, and controversially say kill as if they really want somebody to be killed.  They even do a quick fist pump during the playing of the fight song.

Outside of football games, Notre Dame Students frequently engage in fist pumping to show their enthusiasm when different songs are played at bars and dorm parties.  While they are standing or even dancing in small circles (see #24) Notre Dame Students will begin to pump their fists based on musical cues that they hear throughout the night.  Songs that prompt this type of fist pumping include Livin’ on a Prayer (see #9), Rocky Top (despite the fact that it is essentially the fight song of another university), and pretty much any song that is played at the Finny’s and The Backer.  Notre Dame Students pump their fist in these situations not only because they are happy, but because they don’t really know an appropriate way to dance to these songs.

Despite the fact that they do it all the time, Notre Dame Students are pretty much oblivious to their rampant fist pumping.  Maybe it is because their fist pumping isn’t always the most useful or appropriate thing to be doing, or maybe because they secretly know that their fist pumping neither helps the football team nor makes them look cool at bars.  Regardless, Notre Dame Students pump their fists often because they really don’t know what else to do with their arms and hands.

#80: Room Pick Drama

Because the dorm system at Notre Dame operates in a distinctive way (see #79), the respective dorms use unique procedures to determine which students live in which rooms.  While incoming Freshmen are randomly assigned to dorms, sections, and roommates; the rest of the student body must endure the overly dramatic tensions surrounding room picks as they attempt to ensure they get the room situation they desire.

While the dorm system fosters camaraderie amongst residents, it also leads to these residents wanting to live with or near the people whom they most often socialize.* In many dorms this creates smaller sections within the dorm that members want to stay in from year to year or potentially move into.  These sections, however, only have a certain number and type of rooms; and these limitations create tension amongst residents and potential residents.

When room picks arrive each spring, the dorms are entrenched with drama from a variety of sources. Drama can result from the picks themselves.  Because a lottery system is used to determine the order the residents pick their room, whole sections of dorms might pressure residents to choose rooms in other sections.  These students want to preserve rooms for their friends with lower picks and can sometimes lead to heated arguments between friends and hall mates. 

Drama can also result from conflicts within dorms about which residents get the most prized rooms like the Quint in Sorin or various sized quads across campus.  Since larger, more dynamic rooms are the ones that host parties and other events, many students want to live in them.  Students that want to live in these quads might not have the high room picks that are necessary to obtain them, however; and may resort to bargains or unsavory deals with other residents in order to get the room they desire.

Room pick drama most often (and most importantly) manifests itself by the simple task of everybody in the dorm trying to find a roommate.  Room picks force students to choose one person that they want to be their roommate, and usually result in another friend being left out.  The weeks leading up to room picks (for better or worse) are when students find out who their real friends are, and this heightens tensions throughout the dorms.

Finally, all of these elements come together in one night when the rooms are actually picked.  On this overly dramatic occasion some students make deals or strong arm people, some plot to take the quad that other students were planning to choose, and other students stand off to the side no knowing if they will find a roommate for the next year. 

Room pick drama throws Notre Dame Students into the midst of hyper-dramatic situations (see #19) that make nice people turn mean and timid people get angry; and for all of these reasons why Notre Dame Students shouldn’t like room picks, most students couldn’t imagine dorm life without them.

*Well, at least in the men’s dorms.  Women’s dorms don’t have as much camaraderie because Notre Dame Girls aren’t really friends with each other, and therefore don’t care as much about who they live with.

#79: Explaining to people from other schools how dorms function as Quasi-Frats

Probably the most unique aspect of student life at Notre Dame is the Residence Hall system.  This system is unique not only because 80% of the students live in the dorms, or that these buildings are single-sex, but because the system also necessitates that there is no Greek life at Notre Dame.

The popularity of the dorms combines with the lack of Greek life to create a system that is utterly confounding to students from other schools around the country.  When Notre Dame Students tell their friends about student life, these friends can’t possibly understand why anybody would want to live in a dorm for four years—especially when the dorms operate under the archaic rules of parietals (see #63).

Because of this disconnect, Notre Dame Students use the idea of Fraternities and Sororities to describe the residence hall system at Notre Dame.  The students talk about the camaraderie within the dorms and how students are proud of their dorm.  They talk about interhall sports and other competitions between dorms, and they describe the intense rivalries between dorms.  Notre Dame Students then use these descriptions to describe the dorms at Notre Dame unlike those at most schools, but more akin to Quasi-Fraternities and Sororities.

The irony in this is that Notre Dame Students actually want their dorms to function as Quasi-Frats. 

Notre Dame Students throw dorm parties that aren’t remarkably different from Frat parties with their loud music, crowds of people, and floors covered in beer (but more on those later).  They attempt to haze freshmen with Dis-O rituals that could be found in a Greek System; and they refer to groups of people by the name of their dorm in the same way that students at large state schools describe each other by the name of their Fraternity or Sorority (see #16).  Like fraternities and sororities, a person’s dorm stays with them much longer than they live in it, and Notre Dame Students see the camaraderie and brotherhood in the dorms as the greatest similarity with Greek life at other schools. 

However, while students might describe the dorm system as similar to a Greek one, they ultimately prefer it because of the differences from a Greek system.  While dorm parties might get loud and messy, they are also firmly entrenched in the culture of the Notre Dame Hook-up (see #21).  While some Notre Dame Students participate in something that could be construed as hazing, most Dis-O activities come nowhere close to actually making students do anything embarrassing, unsanitary, or demeaning.  Dorms might get loud and raucous, but unlike Frats they become quiet and controlled when most students need to study.

Notre Dame Students might like to describe dorms as being like Frats, but the reality is that most of the students probably wouldn’t even be involved with Greek life had they ended up at a state school.  The dorm system is uniquely perfect for the students at the school, and it is for this reason that people who aren’t from Notre Dame will never be able to understand it.

#77: Celtic Rock

It doesn’t have to be Saint Patrick’s Day (see #11) for Notre Dame Students to be enamored with all things of and (even tangentially) related to Ireland and Irish people because Notre Dame Students love these things throughout the year.  Along with Claddaugh Rings (see #6), Irish Flags (see #55), Guinness, Jameson, and Bailey’s; Notre Dame Students oftentimes like to play Celtic Rock music to make their get-togethers even more Irish.

Celtic Rock music (at least the kind that’s popular amongst Notre Dame Students) is essentially rock or punk music that includes an Irish accented singer and sometimes other instruments such as a fiddle.  Celtic Rock songs often include references to Ireland, the Catholic Church, drinking alcohol, and (strangely) the city of Boston.

While Notre Dame Students appreciate a variety of artists, their go-to Celtic Rock group is Flogging Molly.  With songs such as Drunken Lullabies and Rebels of the Sacred Heart, this band’s music can not only be heard at many student parties, but they also appear at Legend’s from time to time.  Notre Dame Students also utilize the music of Dropkick Murphy’s, as well as the soundtrack to the film The Boondock Saints.

Notre Dame Students like Celtic Rock because it helps them to pretend like they are more Irish than they really are, even if the music is made by people that aren’t really Irish (like most of Flogging Molly and all of Dropkick Murphy’s) and isn’t something that is actually enjoyed by Irish people.  Students like the style of music because it is acceptable in a variety of situations and is always great music for parties.  Because of these things Celtic Rock songs are oftentimes featured on the prototypical Notre Dame Playlist.

#66: Christmastime

Like most good Catholics (or Protestants, or uncomfortably jealous Jews for that matter), Notre Dame Students love Christmastime.  They love this period between Thanksgiving and the end of finals when they get to celebrate the holiday season on campus with all of their friends, and they love all of the festivities that come with it.

Immediately upon returning from Thanksgiving break, Notre Dame Students will begin the process of transforming their dorm rooms or off-campus homes into their own private winter wonderlands.  Students will put up stockings and ornaments, and they will hang Christmas lights everywhere they can possibly hang them.  These lights will remain hanging in their rooms for the entire second semester.

The decorations that won’t remain into the New Year are those that students organize for the outside of their dorms.  While years ago these lights and decorations were simple and elegant, the competitive nature of Notre Dame Students has brought dorm decorations to new levels of excess while wasting away all the credibility of the University’s attempts to ‘go green’ (although, they do look pretty sweet).

During Christmastime, Notre Dame Students feast on the best dining hall meal of the year (the Prime Rib Candlelight dinner) and they oftentimes break out into Christmas carols on a whim.  They exchange gifts with their closest friends and watch Christmas movies as a respite from exam preparation.  They will watch Home Alone, Elf, Bad Santa, The Santa Clause, It’s A Wonderful Life, and Love, Actually (more on that later).

Students will then throw more Christmas parties than any rational person could anticipate.  Those living in the dorms will be booked with multiple SYRs on the lone weekend between Thanksgiving and study days, with certain dorms lucky enough to host their SYR around the Christmas tree under the dome.  These SYRs will undoubtedly feature hundreds of Notre Dame Men wearing the timeless combination of a suit and a Santa hat. 

Meanwhile, off-campus students will throw ‘ugly-sweater parties’ like it is their job.  Because every student has a desire to plan his or her own party (see #25), their social calendars will be booked with such events on every Thursday-Saturday for three weeks straight.  With egg nog, ugly sweaters, and the perfect Christmas playlist that will prominently feature Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas is You (see #39) and Do They Know It’s Christmas?(see #51) these parties will happen over and over again until everybody goes home for Christmas break.

#63: Parietals (although they refuse to admit it)

Of all the unique intricacies of dorm life at Notre Dame, or Notre Dame Student culture in general, the most influential aspect is the rule that seemingly infuriates students ensuring that dorms remain single-sex; a rule called Parietals.

The rule of parietals means that at midnight or 2:00 AM (depending on if it’s a weeknight or a weekend) students must remove themselves from dorms of the opposite sex until the next morning.  This means that students (or outside friends and relatives) are not allowed to sleep in dorms of the opposite sex, and they are not allowed to stay later no matter what they are doing.

The majority of Notre Dame Students talk negatively about parietals.  They blame the rule for treating the students like children.  They use the rule as an excuse for poor gender relations amongst students, and they criticize the rule for being too old-fashioned.  If you listen to what they say in public, one might think that Notre Dame Students hate parietals.

Deep down, however, most Notre Dame Students actually like parietals. 

Parietals are a necessary check on Notre Dame Student’s drunken decision making.  They take away the pressure that Notre Dame Students feel about potentially sleeping together, and give Notre Dame Students an excuse not to sleep together (and limit themselves to Notre Dame Hookups at earlier hours, see #21). 

Furthermore, because of the sometimes lackadaisical way that the rule is enforced, students that are in long term relationships are able to break parietals fairly easily without trouble.  These students like to break parietals not only because it allows them to sleep with their significant other, but also because it makes them think that they are completely badass [or awesome].

Parietals force parties to end at reasonable times, giving Notre Dame Students an excuse not to stay awake late into the night.  While Students might sometimes consider staying up late to party, deep down they actually want to get to bed before 3:00 AM on Friday and Saturday nights so that they can wake up early and study on the weekends.  Parietals facilitate the innate desire that Notre Dame Students have to work hard and party hard.

Most importantly, parietals allow students to build strong relationships with the friends in their own dorm.  The most significant times of bonding occur amongst students after parietals when they play video games, participate in single-sex drinking games, and talk about every possible topic that could come up.  Camaraderie is built amongst students after parietals in ways that would be impossible if the other sex was present.

Despite all this, Notre Dame Students will rarely admit to actually liking parietals.  Not only is it very easy to blame poor gender relations on the rule, but it would also be very uncool to champion the rule.  Ultimately, liking parietals is completely counter to being SO college (see #11), and because of this Notre Dame Students will continue to steadfastly pretend that they hate the rule.

#59:Hating Rectresses

One aspect of student life that sets the University of Notre Dame apart from other institutions of higher learning is the importance of dorm life for the students.  There are many unique aspects of dorm life at Notre Dame ranging from drinking traditions to dorm masses, but no aspect of dorm life affects the students more than the rectors and rectresses that live in and are in charge of the dorms.

Rectors and rectresses at Notre Dame are tasked with a myriad of responsibilities to ensure that the residence halls run smoothly and remain places that students want to live.  They assist their halls’ councils in order to plan events that the residents want to make dorm life interesting.  They promote faith in their dorms by encouraging residents to go to hall mass (and oftentimes saying mass if they are a priest).  They also serve as advisors to residents that are there to help them through personal issues of all kinds.

The most prominent responsibility of rectors and rectresses, however, is their position as the leader of the hall staffs of their respective dorms.  This position not only allows them to hand pick assistant rectors and resident assistants, but it also allows them to determine the degree to which university rules are enforced within their dorms.  Parietals might be in effect, liquor and drinking games might be banned, and parties might be limited, but all of these university rules impact students to varying degrees based on how severely their rector or rectress enforces them.

For the most part, the rectors in men’s halls are fairly lenient with the rules.  Alcohol flows freely (if not openly) in the men’s halls as dorm parties are a commonplace, beer pong and 40s are never far away, and liquor is sometimes seen at unnecessarily high levels.  Many rectors seemingly understand that the residents of their halls are college students and will act like college students regardless of the rules.  For their leniencies in enforcing the rules (while managing to keep the dorms incredibly safe) these rectors are beloved by their students and oftentimes form strong relationships with them.

However, women’s halls do not have the same luxuries because rectresses at Notre Dame are not nearly as lenient as rectors.  In fact, rectresses are so stringent with the enforcement of their rules that there is an enormous disparity between life in a men’s dorm and life in a women’s dorm.  While most men’s dorms play host to parties each weekend, women’s dorms never host parties.  While some Notre Dame men feel comfortable building bars in their dorm rooms, women must go to elaborate measure to bring even small amounts of beer, liquor, or wine into their rooms (and when they turn 21, they’re constantly accused of supplying alcohol to younger residents). 

These disparities have resulted in Notre Dame Women having fairly negative relationships with their rectresses.  While rectors might be seen as mentors, advisors, or friends in men’s dorms; rectresses are seen as judge, jury, and executioner.  Likewise, rectresses oftentimes develop hostile relationships with males who happen to enter their dorms.  Friends, boyfriends, and even brothers are not seen by rectresses as the well-intending Notre Dame Students they usually are, but as binge drinking heathens that force feed girls so much alcohol that they turn up passed out in shrubberies in front of Welsh Fam or Lyons. 

Rectresses run their dorms like convents where even the slightest infraction is seen as a truly troubling character flaw.  They try to be mothers to their residents but have no idea how to actually be mothers.  They treat their residents like children and are seemingly incapable of giving them the benefit of the doubt.  They are overly judgmental and overbearing, and many of them need to be replaced.  Because of this, rectresses across campus are unfortunately hated strongly disliked by Notre Dame Students.

#51: Africa (the song)

Long time readers of this site know that Notre Dame Students love Africa (see #1), but what they might not be aware of is that there are two types of Africa that Notre Dame Students Like.  The first is, and more obvious one, is the continent; while the second, and less obvious one, is the 1982 hit song by the band Toto.

Its gonna take a lot to drag me away from you/
There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do/
I bless the rains down in Africa/
Gonna take some time to do the things we never had.

Notre Dame Students love this song and play it more often than any song by Toto should ever be played.  It is played at parties, weddings, tailgates, dances, and is one of the few songs that regularly appears on the playlist at both Finny’s and The Backer.  This song is firmly entrenched on the Notre Dame Playlist.

But why do Notre Dame Students love the song?  Is it because of the lyrics they don’t really know the words to?  Is it because of the chorus that they love to belt out while covered in sweat and clutching their hands around a Keystone Light or a Long Island Iced Tea?  Is it because off the awesome background instrumentals?  Is it because of the sweet percussion break that makes even the most passive of Notre Dame Students bust out some air drums?

NO. 

Notre Dame Students love this song simply because of how much they like Africa (the continent).  Notre Dame Students love of Africa (the continent) is so great that as a corollary they will love almost anything that relates to or discusses the continent.  Notre Dame Students also love the song Do They Know It’s Christmas?, the film Hotel Rwanda, and the episodes of ER that feature storylines in Africa.  However, no piece of entertainment is beloved as much by Notre Dame Students because of the Africa Corollary than the song by Toto that students will sing at any time of any night they hear it.

#48: Songs that were popular 6-12 months ago

In the hit CBS sitcom How I Met Your Mother* one of the main characters (Robin) hails from Canada and must explain to her friends how music trends take longer to make it to Canada.  While this may or may not be true for the country to the north of ours that Notre Dame Students use to exploit more lenient drinking laws (see #34) it is puzzlingly similar to the tastes Notre Dame Students have for music.

Whether they are too busy studying, praying, or watching football games; for some reason it takes Notre Dame Students much longer to find new songs to enjoy than the rest of the country.  While this phenomenon is inexplicable by conventional means, it can be examined by looking at songs that have become popular over the past year. 

For example, Miley Cyrus’s song See You Again was released nearly two years ago, became popular in the Summer of 2008, and has been playing in Notre Dame bars ever since.  While this song is unquestionably a fine choice to play at Finny’s and The Backer; it has worn out its welcome at nearly every other place in the country outside of a Best of Both World’s Concert (or whatever she calls it these days).  However, Notre Dame Students continue to request the song and enjoy it like it is the hip new thing or a treasured classic (something it will never be).

Meanwhile, it’s nearly impossible to spin a radio dial anywhere in the country without hearing the Black Eyed Peas I Gotta Feeling on several stations.  The song has been at or near the top of the charts for over two months yet is still roughly five months away from becoming a staple at bars and dorm parties.  It might be heard occasionally at Notre Dame, but come January it will be ubiquitous.

This trend has been going strong for several years as well.  Previous songs that Notre Dame Students embraced long past their welcome (and still are embracing) include Taylor Swift’s Love Story, Kelly Clarkson’s Since U Been Gone, Fall Out Boy’s Sugar, We Goin Down, and Estelle’s American Boy (feat. Kanye).  While these songs all had their moment for most of the country, that moment was continued far too long for Notre Dame Students.  

*Returns to CBS on Monday, September 21^st at 8:00 ET . . . trust me, just watch it.

#28: Thinking Coors Light is Classy Beer

Before students turn the magical age of 21 that finally allows them to peruse the aisles of Belmont Beverages like it’s a toy store, they are at the mercy of upperclassmen to provide them with alcohol and sometimes even places to drink it.  Underclassmen usually find themselves at house parties with kegs or dorm parties featuring small trash cans full of beer that they will drink until the clock strikes two and everybody goes to Reckers (see #14).  This beer is almost always Keystone or Natural Light. 

Keystone and Natural Light are beers that are so abundant in the dorms that an outside observer would think they were brewed by Knute Rockne himself.  Mini-fridges from Carroll to Knott are filled to the brim with these beers that are too pitiful to be touched by Notre Dame Parents.  Notre Dame Underclassmen become so accustomed to the taste of Keystone and Natural that almost anything becomes an upgrade.

Because of this, beers such as Coors, Miller, and Bud light are seen by the Notre Dame Student to be good beers that are even classy enough to have baseball stadiums named after them.  A student that fills his mini-fridge with these fine beverages is making an investment in his drinking that most students just aren’t willing to undertake.  This student will watch his beverages carefully and make sure that others don’t take them because his investment is not meant to be stolen.

Other students who stick with the Natural and Keystone they buy from upperclassmen are shocked when they finally find themselves in the alcohol aisle at Meijer and not only realize that beer comes in bottles . . . but that the price between Keystone and Coors is nothing substantial (see #12).  These students are further shocked when they find themselves in the bars of South Bend and realize that (aside from that hell-hole on Michigan Street) beers of the Natural and Keystone brands are nowhere to be seen.  Pitchers at Finnegan’s, 32-Ouncers at The Backer, and endless glasses at Cheers [varsity] Lounge are all choice brands such as Coors, Miller, and Bud.   

Matters become worse when these students venture away from Notre Dame to visit other schools, go abroad, or even to enter the ‘real world’.  While bringing a case of Coors Light to a Notre Dame pregame might be seen as classy, it probably won’t be seen the same way anywhere else.  

#26: Either Loving or Hating The Backer

Of all the bars in South Bend, no bar divides Notre Dame Students more than the iconic Linebacker Lounge across the street from campus.  While most students equally enjoy bars such as Finnegan’s and Corby’s, Notre Dame Students cannot collectively agree about what to think about The Backer.  Some Students absolutely love it, while other students unapologetically loathe entering it.

For the students who love The Backer*, they have much evidence to cite.  The atmosphere is unparalleled in the South Bend bar scene.  Crammed wall-to-wall with an eclectic mix of students and locals, The Backer is full of patrons whose primary objective is to drink heavily and rock out to a raging musical selection.  This objective is promoted by the free drink tickets that patrons receive at the door, and the infamous Long Island Iced Teas that can light a fire inside the most lackadaisical of patrons.

These Backer-lovers never get tired eagerly anticipate their favorite songs each and every night they put on their Backer-shoes**.  Whether it be the iconic Amen Corner of Country Roads, Rocky Top, and Calling Baton Rouge, the requisite 80’s anthems such as Livin’ on a Prayer or Don’t Stop Believing, the newer pop songs like Love Story and My Life Would Suck Without You, or the climactic closing time triumvirate of God Bless the U.S.A, the Notre Dame Victory March, and Oh What a Night, Backer-lovers sing the night away and enjoy every last minute until the lights come on.  To Backer enthusiasts, the song selection is the stuff dreams are made of, and for the Student lovers, a night at The Backer is like the perfect dorm party on steroids (and is repeated every Friday and Saturday night).

However for this same reason, many Students also hate the Backer.  These Backer-haters can’t stand the task of making their way through a mob of sweat drenched patrons to get to bathrooms that are hellishly disgusting.  They can’t handle the standing liquid on the floor (about a half-inch deep of Backer-slop**) and are equally disgusted by the stripper pole in the middle of the dance floor.  These students are grossed out by the presence of local’s dance floor makeouts that rarely exist at Finnegan’s and long for a place where they can sit down and relax.  They hate the fact that they can’t talk to their friends, and usually do not appreciate the musical selections that prevent conversation.  Simply put, many Notre Dame Students are disgusted by The Backer for the same reasons that other students love it.  

Despite this, while other bars have closed down or changed locations, The Backer has endured the test of time.  Generations of Notre Dame Students have frequented it, and some students will continue to enjoy it.  Whether it is because of awesomeness or infamy The Backer has become a legendary bar that Notre Dame Students will continue to love and continue to hate for as long as it remains. 

*Editor’s note: for full disclosure, The Backer is my favorite bar of all the bars, and I cannot wait until the day (whenever it may be) that I make my glorious return to it.

**Regular patrons know that they ought to wear a pair of shoes they do not care about due to the Backer-slop on the floor.  Backer-slop is formed by mixing 5 parts beer, 3 parts sweat, 3 parts mud, 1 part vomit, and a dash of semen.  The mixing occurs when patrons dance incessantly through the ingredients that are on the floor.

#25: Planning Things

Because Notre Dame Students were all considered ‘leaders’ in high school, they all became accustomed to being followed by their peers in whatever they did.  These students were also used to planning events for student groups, classes, and social activities.  At Notre Dame, planning things takes on an entirely new level as Notre Dame Students overly plan every activity they do.

These activities can range from the trivial (dinner at the dining hall) to the complicated (travelling in Europe over Spring Break) to the unnecessarily complicated (planning dorm parties).  No matter what the activity is, there are usually multiple students in the group that want to take up the mantle of leader and do more planning than would ever be necessary to properly plan the event. 

Oftentimes these activities have something to do with drinking (see #11) where students constantly feel the need to make complicated plans about what they are going to do.  Drinking plans become take on a life of their own due to conflicting pregames, overly complicated party themes, bar crawls, party playlists, finding rooms for dorm parties, money collection, and the mere task of deciding which bar to go to.

Planning events for Notre Dame Students has become an even more complicated task because of technology.  Even a low key night might involve scores of text messages, emails, and Facebook wall posts.  A party (whether it be in a dorm or off-campus) will certainly involve several meetings, multiple ‘epic-length’ emails, a money collection process, debate over playlist options, and almost certainly the creation of a Facebook event.  These parties will certainly be fun for those that attend, but there is an abnormally high amount of planning that goes into a bunch of college students getting drunk.

While football weekends and special events bring out some fairly elaborate plans, the most over-planned times of the year are the weeks at the end of each semester.  In the winter everybody and their roommate feel the need to throw some sort of Christmas themed event.  Usually this entails cheesy sweaters, egg nog, and peppermint schnapps, and sometimes these events even include caroling and Christmas movies.  Off-campus students especially must be prepared to attend between four and eight Christmas parties just because each and every house or apartment that their friends live in will need to plan a party of their own (despite the fact that each of these parties will be the same).

However, the most overly planned time of the year is the end of Spring Semester when everybody wants to throw their own ‘Last Party of the Year’.  This planning reaches its climax at the end of Senior Week when each and every senior needs to plan an event for their friends and family.  Because these Seniors know that tendency of Notre Dame Students to overly plan events, they are sure to get their event on the calendar early (possibly as early as January) so that all of their friends will commit to it before others events are planned.  This inevitably ends with Notre Dame Seniors shuffling their parents from event to event the nights before commencement just so all of their friends are happy (on the plus side, they get really drunk in the process).  

#9: Bon Jovi

If you have ever been to a Dorm Party at Notre Dame, then it goes without saying that you have probably heard large masses of inebriated freshmen singing the chorus to Living on a Prayer.  This song is one of the staples of the Dorm Party and requisite singing material for all Notre Dame Students.  Freshmen, in particular, play the song so frequently that by the time a Notre Dame Student is a sophomore, he or she feels compelled to walk out of any room where the song is played.  However, Notre Dame Students don’t just love the song, but they also love the band that plays it: Bon Jovi.

Never mind that this band had its glory years when current Notre Dame Students were in diapers, the student love for the band and its lead singer is unflinching.  Every year before big pep rallies rumors spread that Jon Bon Jovi will be a special guest and treat students to his rendition of the Notre Dame Victory March, and usually pep rallies come and go and Bon Jovi does not.  However, last fall Jon Bon Jovi did actually come to a pep rally and treated the students who were there to his rendition of . . . waving to the crowd. 

For his great performance moving his hand from side to side and accepting praise from Coach Weis and the Band, the student body gave him their biggest cheers since USC had a 4^th and 9 situation 3 years ago.  For all the cheers, one would have expected the man to at least sing one song.  Nope.  Notre Dame Students were just content to see the man who wrote the lyrics that they danced to their first semester on campus.  Meanwhile, the Band of Fighting Irish was having the time of their lives playing some of the singer’s more famous tunes (all of which are well before their time).

Do Students love him for his music, his New Jersey roots, or because his most famous song has the word prayer in it?  This question might never be answered.