#99: Long-term relationships

The problem of gender relations at Notre Dame is one of the biggest complaints people have about student life at the school.  Students complain that the combination of single-sex dorms and parietals is a system of the past that discourages friendship between the sexes (see #63).  The continuance of dorm parties being informally restricted to men’s halls (see #98) even further separates the genders on a day-to-day basis and leads to awkwardness at all turns. 

The result of these things is that men and women at Notre Dame do not often foster actual friendships with each other or even really go on informal dates with one another.  Instead, men and women at Notre Dame consistently find their sole interaction in long-term relationships.

Notre Dame does not have a significant dating culture.  One day, Notre Dame Students are hooking up together, and the next day sees them turning around Claddagh rings (see #6) and changing Facebook statuses to show and tell the world that they have entered into a relationship.  The lack of dating at Notre Dame stems not only from the complete lack of avenues to develop rich friendships between the sexes, but it also is caused by the lack of nearby dating options.  Although this could be changing with the recently opened Eddy Street Commons, the fact that Notre Dame exists in its own little bubble, distinctly separated from the outside, leaves students with few places to go on dates beyond the dining halls.  While “dining hall dates” are certainly popular, their awkwardness is a further detractor from a dating culture in general.

However, the lack of a dating culture does not mean a lack of relationships.  Notre Dame Students love entering into long-term relationships primarily because they love the idea of marriage (see #91), but also because they love all of the things that go along with long-term relationships. 

Notre Dame men like long-term relationships because they sometimes grant them an opportunity to go beyond the Notre Dame Hook-Up and into a new territory of intimacy (see #21).  These men have a person to consistently break parietals with, and this gives them an opportunity to show their friends and hallmates how awesome they are (even if they are not awesome at all).

Notre Dame women like long-term relationships for reasons beyond the direction of their Claddagh rings.  For women, a long-term relationship gives them a strong group of friends to hang out with that they might not have if they only hang out with other girls.  It’s no secret that Notre Dame men form stronger groups and have a more intense level of brotherhood between them than Notre Dame women, and so they are happy to allow girls into their groups when their friends begin a relationship.  Because of this, many Notre Dame women end up being better friends with their boyfriends’ hallmates than they ever were with their own hallmates.  The relationship, therefore, allows a Notre Dame woman to become a part of all the things that make men’s halls great, like room pick drama (see #80), playing video games, and the weekly hugfest known as the Rite of Peace during Sunday night dorm Mass (see #10).

Once they come together in their long- term relationships, Notre Dame Couples like all of the things that make a relationship great.  They like spooning on couches where everybody can see them (see #27), wearing each others sweatpants (see #49), and playing footsy while “studying” together in LaFortune (see #68).  They like watching Love, Actually together and arguing about how justified Mark’s actions are (see #69).  They like walking around the lakes, actual dates at Papa Vino’s, and staying in on weekend nights because they no longer need to look for dance-floor makeouts at dorm parties and Finny’s. 

Overall, Notre Dame Students like long-term relationships because they like to love and be loved.  They like the consistency that comes with a relationship, and hate having to resort to the hook- up culture.  They like to think that the person they are dating is the one they will be with for the rest of their life, that they will get married to each other in the Basilica, watch their kids become Notre Dame Students in their own right, and that they will grow old together and live happily ever after.

#68: ‘Studying’ in LaFortune

When the end of the semester approaches, Notre Dame Students lock down into a study mode that is extraordinary to see.  Many students make their way to the library for the first time all year while some students fail to make it out to the bars for the first weekend all year.  Students that are usually hanging around their dorms watching football games throughout the day are nowhere to be found, and the library is the place to see and be seen.

Notre Dame Students each have their own favorite places to study.  Some go to the basement of the library, or the second floor of the library, or one of the many other floors of the library (the place where actual work gets done).  Some students go to Jordan Hall of Science, others go to study rooms in their dorms, and others go to CoMo.  However, the most inexplicable location where Notre Dame Students study for exams en masse is the LaFortune Student Center.

There are very few sensible reasons why studying in LaFortune is a good idea.  Sure there is the Huddle and other mediocre food options (see #14), there are some tables where people can study in groups, parietals are non-existent so couples can study together, and the obvious fact that Starbucks doesn’t have to be snuck into LaFortune (see #22); but can any real studying actually occur within the walls of this building?

LaFortune is a loud building where lots of things are happening.  In addition to the typical groups of people getting their sandwiches and coffee, Finals week features additional distractions from Zahm guys going on the Bun Run, drunk students that are too good for studying, and even rogue Christmas Carolers spreading holiday cheer.  All these things combine to make LaFortune the worst possible place on campus to study for exams.

That’s why nobody actually studies there.

People might go to LaFortune with all of their books, their class notes, and their laptops.  They might spread all of these things haphazardly across a table to give the appearance that they are doing a lot of work, but ultimately they won’t go 45 seconds without stopping to talk with somebody, or checking their Facebook page, or getting up for more coffee and snacks, or playing online games, or reading blogs like this one.  Going to LaFortune to ‘study’ is nothing more than an exercise in procrastination (see #18).

This is the way Notre Dame Students like it.  They go to LaFortune and put up a facade of studiousness so that they can go back to their dorms or apartments and tell all of their roommates and friends that they, “spent 12 hours studying” when they really accomplished nothing all day.  These students use this ‘studying’ to later justify doing things that are SO college (see #11) like going to bars and/or ugly sweater parties (see #66). 

Not only are these students misleading their friends about their long hours of ‘studying’, but usually they are lying to themselves and believing that they are being productive.  Eventually these students might move to a better location where they will actually get work done; but as long as they remain in LaFortune they are merely keeping up the appearance of hard work.

#31: Cell Phones with Internet

Four years ago, a transformation occurred in the dorms at Notre Dame.  Wired, land based phone and internet connections were replaced by cell phone boosters and WiFi networks that brought even the oldest dorms into the modern era.  With this modernization, Notre Dame Students (like many of their peers around the country) have quickly embraced the technological advances of the past five years and become overly reliant upon cell phones with internet connections.

While these phones are not yet completely ubiquitous, Notre Dame Students have spent the past several years working up their thumb strength to the point where they can take full advantage of the BlackBerrys and iPhones of the world.  Older phones that can merely make calls and deliver text messages are rapidly becoming obsolete on campus.

Cell phones with internet are becoming a fixture at Notre Dame not only because of all the urgent e-mails that Notre Dame Students receive*, but also because of the incredible usefulness that they have.  Notre Dame Students can now discretely do a plethora of things in class that they previously needed a laptop for.  Updating their facebook, reading Charlie Weis’s Twitter (see #18), reading football message boards (see #8), and receiving e-mails from Mike Brey are all things that Notre Dame Students find themselves doing while they are bored in class.

These phones become even more useful outside of the classroom.  Suppose two Notre Dame Students get into a debate at Finny’s regarding which African nation has the lowest per capita GDP; the one with the iPhone will easily be able to discover that, yes, Malawi is lower than Somalia by this metric (see #1).  Notre Dame Students can use these phones to answer any question no matter where they are, making them incredibly valuable.

However, the most important reason why Notre Dame Students like these phones is because they will prepare them for their inevitable post-graduate careers.  BlackBerrys are made for businesspeople and Notre Dame Students recognize that if they are going to become successful in business they need to master their ability to use quick thumbstrokes to send out urgent e-mails; an ability that all Notre Dame Students desire.  

*Urgent E-Mails include: Career Center Updates, The BEAT from Legends, New Stamp Deals at the Post Office, Reminders from the Warren Golf Course, Class Council Apparel Sales, and Bookstore “Deals”

Posted via normal computer, plugged into wall

#25: Planning Things

Because Notre Dame Students were all considered ‘leaders’ in high school, they all became accustomed to being followed by their peers in whatever they did.  These students were also used to planning events for student groups, classes, and social activities.  At Notre Dame, planning things takes on an entirely new level as Notre Dame Students overly plan every activity they do.

These activities can range from the trivial (dinner at the dining hall) to the complicated (travelling in Europe over Spring Break) to the unnecessarily complicated (planning dorm parties).  No matter what the activity is, there are usually multiple students in the group that want to take up the mantle of leader and do more planning than would ever be necessary to properly plan the event. 

Oftentimes these activities have something to do with drinking (see #11) where students constantly feel the need to make complicated plans about what they are going to do.  Drinking plans become take on a life of their own due to conflicting pregames, overly complicated party themes, bar crawls, party playlists, finding rooms for dorm parties, money collection, and the mere task of deciding which bar to go to.

Planning events for Notre Dame Students has become an even more complicated task because of technology.  Even a low key night might involve scores of text messages, emails, and Facebook wall posts.  A party (whether it be in a dorm or off-campus) will certainly involve several meetings, multiple ‘epic-length’ emails, a money collection process, debate over playlist options, and almost certainly the creation of a Facebook event.  These parties will certainly be fun for those that attend, but there is an abnormally high amount of planning that goes into a bunch of college students getting drunk.

While football weekends and special events bring out some fairly elaborate plans, the most over-planned times of the year are the weeks at the end of each semester.  In the winter everybody and their roommate feel the need to throw some sort of Christmas themed event.  Usually this entails cheesy sweaters, egg nog, and peppermint schnapps, and sometimes these events even include caroling and Christmas movies.  Off-campus students especially must be prepared to attend between four and eight Christmas parties just because each and every house or apartment that their friends live in will need to plan a party of their own (despite the fact that each of these parties will be the same).

However, the most overly planned time of the year is the end of Spring Semester when everybody wants to throw their own ‘Last Party of the Year’.  This planning reaches its climax at the end of Senior Week when each and every senior needs to plan an event for their friends and family.  Because these Seniors know that tendency of Notre Dame Students to overly plan events, they are sure to get their event on the calendar early (possibly as early as January) so that all of their friends will commit to it before others events are planned.  This inevitably ends with Notre Dame Seniors shuffling their parents from event to event the nights before commencement just so all of their friends are happy (on the plus side, they get really drunk in the process).  

#18: Finding Inventive Ways to Procrastinate

Just as finals week has descended on the University of Notre Dame, so too have the litany of things that Notre Dame Students do to procrastinate on their work that has been building up all semester.  While there are some students that are focused on the task at hand (premeds), most Notre Dame Students see study days and exam week as a welcome chance to screw around until work really must be done.

One way that students procrastinate is by going to parties and partaking in a variety of drinking themed events during study days (see #11).  These can range from keg races to beer pong tournaments, and are typically widespread during the early study days.  Many students also procrastinate on their work by leaving town to go to the Kentucky Derby; because is there a better way to prepare for exams than by drinking Mint Juleps and betting on horses?

While it is relatively easy for students to find ways to procrastinate during study days, they must pick up their game if they are to not do work during exams week.  Since every student wants to give across the appearance that they are being productive, most students will pack up their books, notes, and laptops and find a spot with all of their friends on the second floor of the library.  After taking everything out of their backpack and spreading books and notes across a table or desk, Notre Dame Students will then take out their laptops and let the real procrastination begin.

Notre Dame Students have become adept at finding online diversions that will keep them occupied while giving off the appearance that work is being done.  They will update their facebook status religiously making sure that everybody knows how many exams they still have, and how many hours it is until they are DONE.  They will play games such as Family Feud, Funny Farm, and Sporcle; and they will learn more than they did during any class throughout the semester.  

Notre Dame Students will also read.  They will read more articles on ESPN.com than they did during the rest of the semester combined.  They will read message boards on Rivals and ND Nation (see #8), and they will find obscure blogs to pass the time.  However, the pinnacle of Notre Dame Student procrastination is when a student begins to follow Charlie Weis’s Twitter *.  When this happens, they have truly decided to phone in their exams.

*Exception: This is assuming that said Notre Dame Students do not attempt to start their own obscure blog during the final weeks of the semester.  This would truly be the most inventive way to procrastinate on work.