#91.5: Things Young Alumni Like

1) Sending Text Messages during football games
2) Victory Liquors
3) Lamenting the 2005 loss to USC
4) Thinking Coors Light is a shitty beer (see #28)
5) Younger friends and siblings still at ND
6) Ironically wearing monogram sweater-vests (see #85.5)
7) Being Roommates in Wrigleyville (see #47)
8) Continuing to tout inside information about the football team (see #8)
9) Telling people when they have a med school exam (see #29)
10) Teaching (even though they won’t make careers as teachers)
11) Sneaking into the student section during football games
12) Complaining about the Basilica wedding reservation system
13) Doing service work for a year or two because they were too preoccupied to apply for jobs
14) Matt Leinart’s NFL career
15) Donating money to Notre Dame (even if they don’t have an income)

#88: NCAA Sanctions

Like all enjoyable games and sports, there are rules that must be followed in college football.  Off the field, there are restrictions on when coaches can recruit, there are limits to the number of scholarships a school can give out, and there are academic requirements that must be met by athletes in order to compete.  College athletes must (at least in theory) be student-athletes, and they ought to take these roles as seriously as they can.  When these rules are broken, schools and teams should ideally be punished by the NCAA with sanctions, and Notre Dame Students love when their rivals are sanctioned. 

Notre Dame Students love it when their rivals (such as USC and even Michigan) are “hit with” NCAA sanctions because it proves the long-running belief amongst Notre Dame Students that these teams are dirty, rotten, cheaters; and that they will do anything to win games.  NCAA sanctions help students to reconcile losing games to cheating teams, and they help students to justify poor outcomes on the field.  NCAA sanctions help to reaffirm the perpetual belief amongst Notre Dame Students that they are better than their opponents in ways that go beyond performance on the field.

NCAA sanctions help to demonstrate the moral superiority of Notre Dame Students and their University as a whole.  While it has been established that Notre Dame Students believe themselves to be more religious (see #4 and #21 among others), than their counterparts at other schools around the country, Notre Dame Students also believe that the honesty within their athletic department and administration shows that they are a part of an organization that is a greater beacon for what is good.*  Notre Dame Students want to think that they are better than everybody else, and sanctions prove it.

Notre Dame Students love it when their rivals are ousted as cheaters because it reinforces the notion that the athletes they cheer for on the field are held to higher standards.  Notre Dame Students want to believe that their football players are more dedicated to their studies and they want to believe that these players are not offered outside benefits to attend the school.  Notre Dame Students want to believe that their athletes are there because they love the school and because they have values that go beyond draft status and potential agents.

Most importantly, Notre Dame Students love sanctions because they strike at the heart of their rival’s teams without diminishing their strength of schedule (see #57).  Notre Dame Students take joy in the fact that a sanctioned USC victory will ultimately be meaningless, while a Notre Dame victory over a sanctioned USC will be joyful.  Because of these things, Notre Dame Students love it when sanctions are brought upon their rivals and they take joy in knowing that rivals will be taken down a couple levels and have to deal with the results of their nefarious ways.

*Ironically, Notre Dame Students conveniently forget the fact that their own football program was hit with sanctions in 1999 resulting from the final years of Lou Holtz (see #23).  It is unclear whether they forget this because of their love for the former coach or because they want to think their school is better than others.

#85.5: Things Notre Dame Alumni Like

1.       Complaining about the football team, regardless of what happens on the field

2.       Threatening to halt donations

3.       Hiring ND Students

4.       Reminiscing about the bars at five corners

5.       Complaining about Tom Hammond and Pat Haden

6.       Getting indignant about losing catholic identity

7.       Using the word ‘draconian’ to describe University policies

8.       Dorm mass after football games

9.       The Sorin Society and other donation based organizations

10.    Talking about how they couldn’t get into ND if they applied today

11.    Ara Parseghian

12.    Knowing the lyrics to now-obscure school songs

13.    Buying property in South Bend

14.    Complaining about the football schedule

15.    Vanity license plates

16.    Talking about the quarterback from the year they graduated

17.    Being quiet during football games while complaining about a lack of noise in the stadium

18.    Rocco’s

19.    Pep Rallys (both talking about how awesome they used to be in the old Fieldhouse and actively contributing to the modern incarnation being significantly less awesome)

20.    Monogram sweater-vests

21.    Hoping their local city hosts an off-site game, and then complaining about the existence of the off-site games

22.    Playing catch with their children on South Quad

23.    Lamenting the loss of the University Club

24.    Being randomly generous to current students

25.    Having their kids attend the University of Notre Dame

#85: Networking

One of the reasons why Notre Dame is such a highly touted institution is because of its extensive and successful alumni network.  Unlike most schools, the Notre Dame Alumni Network spreads across the country and around the world with 267 local clubs in cities ranging from Topeka to Beijing.  Because of this, many students and alumni alike cherish the alumni network as one of the most important assets of a Notre Dame Education.

Notre Dame Students like the alumni network and all of the networking opportunities that come with it because they are incredibly focused on their future careers.  For Notre Dame Students, everything they do is based on the next step, and decisions are judged by their impact in the long term as opposed to the short term.  Students understand that their future success will not only be based on how well they do on tests and papers, but on how well they utilize their time at the school to make connections and open opportunities for themselves.

With this in mind, Notre Dame Students look to all places and times for opportunities to network with alums.  Students walk through tailgating lots before football games introducing themselves to alums by touting the highlights of their résumé.  Describing their major, recent jobs, and maybe some research experience; Notre Dame Students treat their tailgating revelry not only as a chance to get some free food and beer from alums, but as an important opportunity to expand their network.

Similarly, when Notre Dame Students leave campus and go to different parts of the country (particularly the bars of Chicago’s north side), they wear so much ND apparel that they act as walking advertisements for the school.  While they partly do this because of their unmatched pride; they mainly do it as an means to strike up conversations with Notre Dame Alums and supporters in all of the places they go.  Notre Dame Students know that any conversation with any person can lead to the future of their dreams.

Finally, Notre Dame Students relentlessly use the traditional channels to expand their network.  They send emails to professionals in their field that contain coded questions that don’t explicitly ask for any help with a career (but implicitly ask the professionals for jobs).  They attend meetings at any hour of the day with professionals that come to campus in order to network.  Notre Dame Students attend the career fair as if it was the sole reason why they attended the University; and they will wear their class rings (see #37) as if the employers could forget what school they are visiting.

Once they have networked every possible connection for their career path, Notre Dame Students meticulously send emails at regular intervals to all of the people they have connected with.  They send them holiday greetings, congratulate them on achievements, and notify them of their own achievements all in an effort to stay contacted with their vast and endless network.  Sometimes these efforts will be in vain; but more often than not, Notre Dame Students are wildly successful in their networking, and end up utilizing it to start themselves off on the career path of their dreams.

#67: New Football Coaches

Recent years have unfortunately seen the necessity for Notre Dame to endure five different searches for a new head football coach.  While the specific circumstances surrounding and the people conducting each search have changed over the years, they have all (quite obviously) followed a period of failure and disappointment on the football field.

Because of the various perspectives of these failures, different groups within the Notre Dame community have different opinions of the coaching searches and of the men that are subsequently hired from these searches.  Old Alums (especially the overly fanatical message board crowd) are oftentimes angry and upset with new hires because these men do not fall under their arbitrary and unreachable ‘Tier 1’ designation.  These people make outlandish and unsubstantiated claims based on their ‘inside information’ (see #8) and choose to continue their never-ending pessimism about the football program.

Young alums that personally witnessed all of the failures and disappointment that brought about the need for a coaching change are expectedly skeptical of the new coach.  While these former students are hopeful for a more successful future, they all remember how excited they were when the last coach was hired.  They remember the short lived ‘Return to Glory’ of Tyrone Willingham and the ‘Hard-working, intelligent, and nasty’ football teams of Charlie Weis. 

These young alums are skeptical because they can clearly remember a time before the last coach failed; a time when they were students and hanging Sports Illustrated covers on their dorm room walls.  They remember a time when the departed coach was the new coach, and they loved him.

This is because Notre Dame Students LOVE new football coaches.

When a new coach is hired, Notre Dame Students brim with excitement and unbridled optimism.  They dreamily look towards the upcoming season knowing that there will be better results on the field and certain that the coach will lead them to the Promised Land.  They update their Facebook statuses, listen to press conferences, and start thinking of sayings for custom T-Shirts they will sell the following fall (see #35).

Notre Dame Students love new football coaches because they represent the possibility to wake up the echoes and return Notre Dame Football to its previous years of glory.  New football coaches bring with them the chance to restore winning traditions (see #40) and the ability to give the current classes a chance to witness a long lost level of success.

Now, Brian Kelly represents that chance; and until he loses his first game every Notre Dame Student will love him.

#62: Tailgating at Actual Tailgates (as opposed to houses or frats)

Notre Dame Students love football and they love drinking.  Therefore Notre Dame Students love tailgating.  However, tailgating at Notre Dame is different than at most schools because students rarely tailgate at off-campus houses and there are no fraternities to host game day parties.

Students at schools across the country enjoy the pageantry of college football with tailgates.  Most of these tailgates occur within a system of houses and Greek life, however, and rarely involve a vehicle with a legitimate “tailgate.”  Students at these schools wear dress clothing that can’t be comfortable for the games, they play beer pong on porches, they do multistory beer bongs, and they yell obscenities at any fans of the opposing team that happen to walk past their house or fraternity.  Ironically, most of these students will never actually make it anywhere close to the stadium as game time approaches. 

At Notre Dame, however, students enjoy tailgating at actual tailgates where they can complain about the shirt while wearing it (see #2), claim to have inside information about the football team (see #8), be nice to opposing fans (see #13), form small circles (see #24), complain about the weather (see #43), network with alums (see #85), and of course, do things that are SO College (see #11)

As freshmen they like to wander the Joyce and Stadium parking lots hoping that random alums will offer them free food and stories about the good old days.  As sophomores they will seek out tailgates hosted by distant relatives of minor acquaintances where they will get free food and potentially sneak a beer or two.  As juniors, Notre Dame Students will now be friends with these distant relatives of minor acquaintances and they will confidently go to the tailgates knowing that they will be offered plenty of free food and alcohol. 

As seniors, some students host their own tailgates.  While some of these students live close enough to campus where they can attempt to throw a state-school-style house party before the game, other students obtain parking passes and throw tailgates in parking lots such as the infamous Radio Tower (or X) Lot. 

Students who throw these tailgates do everything that they can to make sure that their tailgate is the best tailgate.  They get ridiculous amounts of beer and meat.  They play terrifying drinking games such as full beer flip cup, and they shotgun beers at regularly scheduled intervals.  These students will try to convince underclassmen to come to their tailgates, but the underclassmen will be too scared to show up.

Ultimately, Notre Dame Students love tailgating.  Unlike their peers from other schools across the country however, when the game starts the tailgates end.  Nothing is more important than the game.

#58: Going to Appalachia for Fall Break

 At the midpoint of the fall semester, Notre Dame Students get a week off for all of their hard work.  Students use this break to do a variety of things such as relax at home, visit their friends at state schools, work on their thesis and other large projects, interview for jobs, or even to stay at school and drink excessively.  However, the most common thing that Notre Dame Students do with their fall break is go to Appalachia to do service work.

For those who don’t know, Appalachia is a cultural region that stretches across the eastern United States in the Appalachian Mountains.  The residents of Appalachia are widely seen as backward hillbilly types that are incredibly poor and uneducated (shockingly, the only state that is entirely within the Appalachian region is West Virginia).   Because of the poor economic conditions within Appalachia, Notre Dame Students take it upon themselves to make things better in this region by doing all the good work that can possibly be contained within one October week.

Students that go to Appalachia do a variety of things for the people there.  Some students work on construction and home repairs.  Other students work to promote recycling and the importance of organic farming; with further students working on issues ranging from health care to daycare.  Overall, when Notre Dame Students go to Appalachia, they make sure that they do as much good as possible in as little time as possible. 

Depending on the football schedule, Notre Dame Students are able to spend anywhere between 6 and 9 days in Appalachia each fall (and spring as well, if they do not like #11) and these Students need to do their good for several reasons.  Notre Dame Students feel the need to have the most well-rounded transcript and resume as possible.  Some know that their trip to Appalachia will look good on med school applications while others feel like it will be a nice anecdotal story to tell in future job interviews.  Other Notre Dame Students have a desire to prove how righteous they are to their friends and family by spending as much time as possible doing service work (and one week is not enough time to fly to and from Uganda).

At the end of the week, however, Notre Dame Students will return to campus with a good feeling in their heart knowing that they attempted to do good, and if given several more weeks they might have actually made a lasting impact.

#57: Confusion About Cheering for Rivals

One of the defining parts of Notre Dame Culture is the devotion that students have to following the football team.  Students will spend hours reading message boards, they will intently listen to press conferences, they will drive and fly to away games at every end of the country, and they will cheer for the team through thick and thin.

Because of this devotion, Notre Dame Students also closely follow the games of other teams on the schedule so that they know more about their opponents and have a way to gauge how good the Irish team actually is compared to other teams around the country.  However, Notre Dame Students also have a difficult time watching these games because they are confused about what team to support.

The Notre Dame Football program has many rivals.  Some are friendly rivalries like Navy and Stanford (aside from their band).  Others are bitter rivalries like Boston College and Michigan State.  There are rivalries that are relatively new (Michigan) and old (Penn State) and some even have cool names like Catholics vs. Convicts (Miami).  However, no rivalry game is as important or as anticipated as the games against hated arch-rival USC. 

While Notre Dame Students undeniably hate the teams from these schools, they are incredibly confused about what team to root for when they watch their rivals play other games.  One might think that Notre Dame Students would root against teams like USC and Michigan at all costs because of the rivalries, but this is oftentimes not the way Notre Dame Students watch games.

In fact, many students actually root for USC and Michigan to win the rest of the games on their schedule.  These students want their rivals to win every other game so that Notre Dame’s wins against them look better to pundits.  Many students will vocally root for USC to win every game of the season just so they are undefeated when they play Notre Dame.  “If we’re going to beat USC, I want them to be the best team in the country,” Notre Dame Students will say.  While this logic makes sense in some ways, as the students are hoping that they serve as witness to history, in other ways this logic is completely insane.

Notre Dame Students should hate USC at all costs.  They should root for their players to ___________________*.  While they can secretly hope that USC is highly regarded when Notre Dame plays them, they should never root for the Trojans (or any other rival) to win under any circumstances because it is utterly impossible to hate a team and cheer for them at the same time. 

*joke omitted because it would have been classless and USC-like

#56: Father Hesburgh

There are a lot of priests that live and work at the University of Notre Dame.  While some live in the dorms, others live in Corby Hall.  While some teach classes, others work as rectors and administrators.  While some are loathed by students, others are beloved; but no Holy Cross priest is as cherished and revered as the legendary University President emeritus Rev. Theodore M Hesburgh, C.S.C.

Notre Dame Students love Father Hesburgh because he is a living legend.  They dream of opportunities to make their way into his library penthouse, and oftentimes ride the elevators needlessly up and down hoping for a brief chat with him.  They crowd in dorm lounges to hear his stories of American Presidents and Civil Rights leaders and they cherish the pictures they are able to take with him at these events. 

Why, however, do Notre Dame Students love a man whose greatest achievements (besides all of those honorary degrees) occurred before they were even born?  While some Notre Dame Students love Father Hesburgh because he is a really old and influential priest that vividly shares many of his fascinating stories with them, the majority of Notre Dame Students hold such high regards for Father Hesburgh because of his effortless superiority to his successors.

Since Father Hesburgh retired, the Notre Dame community has had the privilege of being led by two men that could never be able to match up to the lofty standards set by their predecessor.  While these men tried (and have been trying) admirably, the Notre Dame Student body longs for the days when SYRs were permitted, liquor could be consumed, controversies were at a minimum, and the football team managed to at least come close to expectations.

Notre Dame Students love Father Hesburgh because he made the university the excellent place that it is today.  Under his leadership, Notre Dame was transformed into a top flight academic school that still managed to field a top flight football team.  He is a great man who used his position as University President to impact change not merely within the Notre Dame bubble, but across the entire country; and Notre Dame Students understand that they are privileged whenever they get a chance to encounter this living legend.

#54: Standing at Football Games (but not really)

Notre Dame Students love standing during the football games.  They love drunkenly standing on the bleachers, wearing shirts that they hate (see #2), cheering out of sync, and making crazy arm and hand motions when the band plays menacing sound bites.  Notre Dame Students love to act in solidarity with the football team by never sitting down. 


Or do they?

As a collective the Notre Dame Students Body loves to stand during the football games, but Notre Dame Students individually do not like to stand at football games one bit.  Whether you call it a collective action problem or blatant peer pressure, Notre Dame Students secretly hate to stand at football games and only do it because everybody else is.

Notre Dame Student’s hatred of standing at football games is most frequently seen at halftime of the games.  It is not evidenced by the students actually sitting down (because this would obviously happen) but in the swift and decisive way that students lower themselves to the bleachers.  As soon as the halftime whistle blows, students sit down as if their legs are going to fall off if they do not.  Students will then remain sitting throughout halftime, unless the band happens to play a song that they like (see #9 and #51).

The most obvious proof that Notre Dame Students actually prefer sitting down during football games however, can be seen once these students graduate and become alums.  If the individuals who make up the Notre Dame Student Body really did love to stand, then the alums who have graduated would also love to stand.  However, most of Notre Dame Stadium is filled with alums who like to sit, and students who look forward to the day when they will graduate and finally be able to sit at football games. 

#50: Telling Time in Terms of Football Opponents

Football is an incredibly important part of student life at Notre Dame, and almost every student plans their fall semester around the football schedule. Some students register for classes knowing that they will be attending various away football games, while other students take lighter course loads just to account for the toll that football season will take on their lives each week. Because of this incredible importance, students tell time in the fall in terms of football opponents.

If something is going to happen three weeks from now (with now being Michigan week), a student would not describe the event as happening three weeks from now, but they would describe the event as happening during Washington week. If their parents are coming into town next weekend, they would describe this as saying that their parents are coming into town for the Michigan State game. Midterm week [at least this year] is not described as midterm week, but is described as USC week.

The football schedule, therefore, is more than just a list of games that the football team plays, but a way for students to relate things that happen throughout their fall semesters. Students throw parties during specific weekends that relate to the team they are playing, friends and relatives come to visit depending on the team they are playing, students travel to different areas of the country depending on the team they are playing, and the excitement level on campus throughout the week is all determined by the team the football team is playing.

A year ago this weekend, there were torrential downpours throughout South Bend for much of the week. While this trivial tidbit of weather might not be important, it can be widely recalled by Notre Dame Students because it happened during Michigan weekend. Students can recall what happened a year ago, because they have a vivid memory of the football opponent. Five weeks from now students will throw parties and be eagerly celebrating across campus in anticipation of the USC game; they know what they will be doing on Friday October 16th, because they know the football opponent.

Each week a different opponent comes to town and this opponent, for better or worse, will define the weekends until December when football season will end and the weeks become much more difficult to define, and a lot more unpredictable

#48: Songs that were popular 6-12 months ago

In the hit CBS sitcom How I Met Your Mother* one of the main characters (Robin) hails from Canada and must explain to her friends how music trends take longer to make it to Canada.  While this may or may not be true for the country to the north of ours that Notre Dame Students use to exploit more lenient drinking laws (see #34) it is puzzlingly similar to the tastes Notre Dame Students have for music.

Whether they are too busy studying, praying, or watching football games; for some reason it takes Notre Dame Students much longer to find new songs to enjoy than the rest of the country.  While this phenomenon is inexplicable by conventional means, it can be examined by looking at songs that have become popular over the past year. 

For example, Miley Cyrus’s song See You Again was released nearly two years ago, became popular in the Summer of 2008, and has been playing in Notre Dame bars ever since.  While this song is unquestionably a fine choice to play at Finny’s and The Backer; it has worn out its welcome at nearly every other place in the country outside of a Best of Both World’s Concert (or whatever she calls it these days).  However, Notre Dame Students continue to request the song and enjoy it like it is the hip new thing or a treasured classic (something it will never be).

Meanwhile, it’s nearly impossible to spin a radio dial anywhere in the country without hearing the Black Eyed Peas I Gotta Feeling on several stations.  The song has been at or near the top of the charts for over two months yet is still roughly five months away from becoming a staple at bars and dorm parties.  It might be heard occasionally at Notre Dame, but come January it will be ubiquitous.

This trend has been going strong for several years as well.  Previous songs that Notre Dame Students embraced long past their welcome (and still are embracing) include Taylor Swift’s Love Story, Kelly Clarkson’s Since U Been Gone, Fall Out Boy’s Sugar, We Goin Down, and Estelle’s American Boy (feat. Kanye).  While these songs all had their moment for most of the country, that moment was continued far too long for Notre Dame Students.  

*Returns to CBS on Monday, September 21^st at 8:00 ET . . . trust me, just watch it.

#43.5: Days Notre Dame Students Like

Throughout the school year there are many days that students get excited for. Some of these days they know are coming months and years ahead of time, while others take the school by surprise. All of these days, however, bring a level of excitement that makes most of the student body very happy. Here they are:

1) USC Game [only in odd years]

2) Day/night before the USC Game [only in odd years]

3) First Friday of the Fall Semester [or whenever each dorm throws Dis-Orientation]

4) First Home Game

5) Saint Patrick’s Day

6) Michigan Game [an even year replacement for #1]

7) Room Picks [varies depending on dorm]

8) Blue-Gold Game [mainly due to PigTostal]

9) First Day of Spring [Halter Top Day]

10) First Big Snowfall of the Winter

11) The Day the Annual ND-SMC Viewpoint War reaches its Zenith

12) First Day of Winter Study Days [due to Christmas Parties]

13) Last Night Dorms are Open in the Spring

14) First Bookstore Basketball Games

15) Day Beer Garden Re-Opens at Corby’s

#43: Complaining about the weather

When prospective students apply to the University of Notre Dame they probably don’t know about most of the things on this list. They probably don’t know about the definition of hooking up (see #21) or where they will be getting pizza after a night of debauchery (see #14). They might know about Lou Holtz (see #23) and Saint Mary’s (see #38), while they have almost certainly never been to Finnegan’s or The Backer (see #20 and #26 respectively). However, if there is one thing that prospective students know when they apply to the school, it is that the weather in South Bend is absolutely awful.

South Bend has weather patterns that are somewhat similar to Siberian tundra or the real world in The Matrix. The sun refuses to shine on Notre Dame between October 1^st and May 1^st and there are only a handful of days each year that can be described using the word nice.* During the darkest months of the winter, snow falls at dramatic levels across the region and temperatures reach lows that are unheard of in most of the lower 48.

Despite the fact that all students know the problems with South Bend weather long before they attend the university, the students continuously complain about how bad the weather is and how they wish they lived in a more enjoyable climate. These complaints happen before class starts while they are taking off layers of coats, gloves, scarves, and hats. They happen at November tailgates where the beers aren’t put on ice to get cold, but they are laid out in the sun in order to get warm enough to drink. They happen when it snows at the spring game, and when it rains on the few warm days of the fall.

Not only will Notre Dame Students relentlessly complain about the weather they knew they would encounter in South Bend, but they will use the poor weather as an excuse. Some students will use the weather as an excuse to drink more (as there is nothing better to do in the cold winter months). Other students will use the weather as an excuse not to drink (because it is too cold to go out to parties, or to even get alcohol from the store). Students will use the weather as an excuse to skip classes and they will use the weather as an excuse to wear sweatpants (see #49).

However, the never-ending stream of poor weather in South Bend causes students to be even more excited for the beginning of spring (or as Bill Simmons calls it, Halter Top Day). On this day, which comes unexpectedly and at a different date every year, students rejoice. Shorts and skirts are worn and South Quad is covered with people playing games, tanning themselves, reading books, doing work, and just generally relaxing. For one day each spring Notre Dame Students do not complain about the weather because they know they need to embrace it while it lasts because the next day it will probably snow.

*Luckily in the spring of 2009 these three days fell on St. Patrick’s Day, Pigtostal, and the 22^nd birthday of one Bob Kessler

#40: Traditions

Tradition is one of the most important parts of the Notre Dame experience. Not necessarily because it never graduates or because it was the featured saying on the 2006 version of THE SHIRT (see #2) but mainly because tradition connects Notre Dame Students to a storied past and gives them a bridge to an even more glorious future.

The most obvious place that tradition can be witnessed at Notre Dame is at football games. Despite the fact that the output on the field in recent years has not been worthy of the storied tradition, the gridiron remains as the epicenter of Notre Dame Traditions. Notre Dame Football has seen decades of championship success that Notre Dame Students continue to be proud of. With four legendary coaches, seven Heisman trophy winners, and one of best statistical histories in college football; Notre Dame Football has a history that is truly something to promote hubris.

Furthermore, many other traditions have remained in and around the stadium during football games. Notre Dame Students continue to do the same arm motions during cheers, they continue to do push-up type body surfing after touchdowns, they continue to cheer for Officer Tim McCarthy, and they continue to tailgate heavily before the games. On the field, the band continues to play the same songs, the Irish Guard continues to perform the same motions, and NBC continues to take overly long TV timeouts. Despite wins and losses, the game day experience is deeply rooted in tradition, and one that students love.

Notre Dame Students also have a variety of other traditions that they continue. Aside from refusing to walk up the steps of the main building until graduation and rubbing Rockne’s nose before playing pick-up basketball games, Notre Dame Students are incredibly loyal to their dorm life and everything that surrounds it. Notre Dame Students see the dorm life as one of the most unique aspects of their tradition and seek to continue everything that surrounds it. Students have pride in their dorm, they wear apparel from their dorm, their closest friends are from their dorm, and they continue to sponsor events and parties that are rooted in dorm tradition.

However, many people in the Notre Dame administration have been working to stifle the furthering of critical Notre Dame Traditions. While events such as the Dillon Pep Rally, Alumni Wake Week, Zahm Bun Run, Fisher Zoo*, Keenan Revue, and PigTostal have been a crucial part of the storied past of Notre Dame, administrators such as Fr. Jenkins and resident asshole Bill Kirk have been doing everything in their power to end traditions that they deem are incompatible with the Catholic Identity and family experience of Notre Dame. However, with any luck, the students will force these traditions into enduring not only because they are a link to the past, but also because they are incredibly fun things that Notre Dame Students Like.

*Thanks to the poster that caught my original spelling error. That's the great thing about blogs, you can always go back and rectify these things.

#38.5: Things Saint Mary’s Students Like

1) Calling themselves “Smick Chicks”

2) The Avenue

3) Taking pictures on the “Sluttle”

4) Having Mothers who went to SMC and Fathers who went to Notre Dame

5) Taylor Swift

6) Working in Hospitals or Schools instead of taking classes

7) The Dance Marathon

8) Buying Food at the Cyber Café

9) Paying Their Student Government a Salary

10) Going out on weeknights

11) Oddly Shaped Dining Hall Trays

12) Notre Dame Athletes

13) Obnoxiously big dorm hallways

14) The Keenan Revue (ironically)

15) Getting Hooded

16) Jamaica Shaika

17) Being on Committees

18) Club Fever

19) Complaining about Traffic

20) Most (if not all) of the Things Notre Dame Students Like

#35: Making T-Shirts

Notre Dame Students love T-shirts. They love T-Shirts of all shapes and sizes and they wear them at every opportunity they have. To class, to the gym, to parties, to football games, and to bed; Notre Dame Students will wear T-shirts as often as possible. Because they like T-Shirts so much they will also make T-Shirts at every possible opportunity they have.

Students will design T-Shirts for every possible organization that they are a part of, and then sell them to members of that organization. There are T-Shirts sold by class councils and majors that are rarely purchased, while T-Shirts that are sold by clubs become hot commodities. Many students can be seen wearing T-Shirts sold by the Future Investment Bankers Club or the Future Republicans Club even if these students are not really active participants in these clubs.

The campus organizations that will make and sell the most T-Shirts are the residence halls. Dorms will sell T-Shirts for every event imaginable. SYRs, Pep Rallys, Frosh-O, Signature Events, and Hall of the Year awards are all events that demand dorms to produce T-Shirts. While these T-Shirts are rarely funny, intimidating, or fashionable, they can be widely seen around campus.

However, while most University and High School students make T-Shirts for the clubs and teams that they are a part of, Notre Dame Students also love to make shirts for reasons that are not as obvious. Because Notre Dame Students loathe to wear THE SHIRT (itself a shirt that is designed by Notre Dame Students, see #2) much of the student body makes their own shirts that are the same color as THE SHIRT. These T-Shirts can range from the simple and classy* to the lame** to the overly complicated***.

Many students take this a step further by making and selling shirts that simply mock opposing teams. While there is nothing intrinsically wrong with this, as these shirts are somewhat clever, they are senseless because they almost always utilize the colors of the opposing team so that when Notre Dame Students wear them to games they appear to be fans of the opponent from afar (as in on television).****

Notre Dame Students continue their T-Shirt making tendencies for things that have nothing to do with athletics or even sporting events when they make them for events such as parties (PigTostal, BabeTostal), friends running marathons, living in or near a given quad of O’Neill 4b, Bookstore Basketball, drinking 40s on Fridays, and even for believing that Professor McKenna is their homeboy (see #15).

Whatever the reason, group, or event, Notre Dame Students love to make T-Shirts, and they love to wear them even more.

*Classy T-Shirts: Charlie’s Army, Charlie’s Angels, Brady Quinn for Heisman

**Lame T-Shirts: Golden is Thy Tate, New Coach, New Pope, New Era, anything about Ronald Talley

***Overly Complicated T-Shirt: I live in Keenan which must mean that I know James Aldridge which henceforth vis a vis means that he is the best running back on our team and I will yell for him no matter who is in the game or what is happening, even if we are on defense [note, this might not be an actual T-Shirt].

****Senseless T-Shirts: Backup College (in Boston College’s maroon and yellow), Trojans Break (in USC’s maroon and yellow), Sparty Sucks (in Michigan State’s white and green), Muck Fichigan (in Michigan’s yellow and blue, because maize and yellow are the same thing).

#34: Windsor, Canada

Going on trips is an essential part of the Notre Dame experience.  Road trips to away football games at beautiful locations such as Ann Arbor, East Lansing, and West Lafayette happen most every September.  Spring and fall breaks also see many students travel to various places across the country and around the world.  However, no location is as widely visited (and as unanimously loved) by Notre Dame Students than Windsor, Canada.

For those unfamiliar with this Midwestern mecca, Windsor is the Las Vegas Atlantic City of the Midwest.  Also described as the seedy underbelly of the Detroit Metro Area*, Windsor is a city that is loved by Notre Dame Students for its lengthy bar district, its unnecessarily extravagant casino, and its infamous strip clubs.  At only three hours from campus, most students will make several excursions to the city over the course of their four years.

These students will make a variety of excuses to go to the city:  “it’s on the way to the Michigan State Game”**. . . “It’s JPW, nobody will be on campus” . . . “It’s Friday Night”.  While all of these are completely valid reasons, the primary reason that Notre Dame Students go to Windsor is because of the 19 year drinking and gambling age (and getting lap dances with Monopoly Money).

While these students will go on to spend countless hours at The Backer, Finny’s, and Fever during their Junior and Senior years; their first drinks at a bar will likely come during their Sophomore year at Peppers or the Boom Boom Room buying Molson and Labatt Blue with two dollar coins while the televisions play highlights of Hockey on TSN.  Because of this, a trip to Winsor is a seminal moment in the lives of many Notre Dame Students.  

These students will be enthralled by Ouellette Avenue Bar district that has several solid blocks of bars with the occasional late night eatery intermixed.  Some will try their hands at the blackjack tables of Casino Windsor late at night while others will entertain themselves with the strip clubs or even the “exotic massage parlors”.  Regardless, these Notre Dame Students will go out of their way to do things that they would never consider on campus, and they will probably repent for their sins upon return to America.

*Although, by now its strip clubs are most likely bringing in more revenue than General Motors and Chrysler combined.

**It’s Not

#32: Not Admitting Notre Dame Wasn’t Their First College Choice

When seniors in high school apply to colleges, many have already determined which school is their first choice.  This is the school that they will absolutely attend if they are accepted, regardless of what other schools accept them.  For thousands of high school seniors [and Boston College Students] Notre Dame is the dream school that is far and away their first college choice, but for reasons unknown to this writer, this does not hold true for all high school seniors. 

Some high school seniors have Notre Dame as their second choice.  For whatever reason, these students prefer schools such as Duke, Stanford, Northwestern, and the Ivies.  These students long to attend secular schools in actual cities or moderate climates with less prominent football teams; they long for higher US News and World Report Rankings. 

Shockingly, some of these troubled youths actually become Notre Dame Students when their first choice schools reject their applications.  However, once they enroll at Notre Dame they will do anything they can to prevent their peers from discovering that Notre Dame was not their first college choice.  They will research historical football results, watch Rudy (see #30) over and over, memorize Heisman Trophy winners, purchase previous years versions of THE SHIRT (see #2), and begin going to mass regularly (see #4) to make it seem like they had visions of leprechauns dancing in their heads all throughout their youth.   

However, cracks in their disguise will eventually begin to show.  They might accidently wear apparel from another university, become overly enthusiastic while watching another schools sporting event, or even relate stories about how awesome something at another campus is (i.e. Tenting at Duke, the Michigan-OSU game, the Stanford Marching Band). 

Despite the inevitable cracks, these students will insist that Notre Dame was their first college choice just so they can more easily fit in with all their hard core legacy and overly Catholic friends.  Before long they will come to understand how wrong they were about their first college choice, and realize how fortuitous it was that they were denied admission.

#31: Cell Phones with Internet

Four years ago, a transformation occurred in the dorms at Notre Dame.  Wired, land based phone and internet connections were replaced by cell phone boosters and WiFi networks that brought even the oldest dorms into the modern era.  With this modernization, Notre Dame Students (like many of their peers around the country) have quickly embraced the technological advances of the past five years and become overly reliant upon cell phones with internet connections.

While these phones are not yet completely ubiquitous, Notre Dame Students have spent the past several years working up their thumb strength to the point where they can take full advantage of the BlackBerrys and iPhones of the world.  Older phones that can merely make calls and deliver text messages are rapidly becoming obsolete on campus.

Cell phones with internet are becoming a fixture at Notre Dame not only because of all the urgent e-mails that Notre Dame Students receive*, but also because of the incredible usefulness that they have.  Notre Dame Students can now discretely do a plethora of things in class that they previously needed a laptop for.  Updating their facebook, reading Charlie Weis’s Twitter (see #18), reading football message boards (see #8), and receiving e-mails from Mike Brey are all things that Notre Dame Students find themselves doing while they are bored in class.

These phones become even more useful outside of the classroom.  Suppose two Notre Dame Students get into a debate at Finny’s regarding which African nation has the lowest per capita GDP; the one with the iPhone will easily be able to discover that, yes, Malawi is lower than Somalia by this metric (see #1).  Notre Dame Students can use these phones to answer any question no matter where they are, making them incredibly valuable.

However, the most important reason why Notre Dame Students like these phones is because they will prepare them for their inevitable post-graduate careers.  BlackBerrys are made for businesspeople and Notre Dame Students recognize that if they are going to become successful in business they need to master their ability to use quick thumbstrokes to send out urgent e-mails; an ability that all Notre Dame Students desire.  

*Urgent E-Mails include: Career Center Updates, The BEAT from Legends, New Stamp Deals at the Post Office, Reminders from the Warren Golf Course, Class Council Apparel Sales, and Bookstore “Deals”

Posted via normal computer, plugged into wall