Thursday, April 16, 2009

#8: Claiming to have inside information about the football team

If there is one thing Notre Dame Students love to do it’s going to football games; and if there is one thing they like to do at these football games it is claiming to have inside information about the football team they know and love.  When Jimmy Clausen overthrows a receiver voices can be heard throughout the student section saying things like, “Dayne Crist has been looking really good in practice” or “I hear that Nate Montana [see right] is gonna make a play for the starter's job next year.” 

While these students do not have any rational basis for these claims, they love to think that they know more about the state of the football team than the next guy.  Every student reads and ND Nation as if they are hidden gems of knowledge tucked away on some mystery machine known as the internet.  Invariably they read posts by crazed alumni and feel the need to tell everybody about their inside information.  Sorry bros, everybody knows that Coach Weis tried to woo Romeo Crennel here to be the D-Line coach.

The greatest source of inside information however, comes from the students who claim they know players on the team.  Students love to say things like, “I don’t understand why Weis doesn’t run James [Aldridge] more.  He [Aldridge] tells me that he’s been doing great in practice.”  When a Notre Dame Man claims that he is friends with a football player, it almost certainly means one of two things: a) they live in the same dorm, or b) they are in Professor McKenna’s Human Ethology class together.  [sidebar: if a Notre Dame Woman claims she is friends with a football player, it probably means they had sex or are going to have sex]. 

Inside information about the football team does not exist because the only people who happen to be insiders as well as normal students are the football managers.  They have such a self-proclaimed level of stature that they would never reveal anything of importance to retain their self-perceived aura around campus. 

Although my sources do say that Kapron Lewis-Moore has been looking really good in practice, and don’t be surprised to see Goodman play QB in a spread look.  


  1. I'll take what you wrote about managers as a backhanded compliment, I guess...

  2. I'm a bit offended by the 'if it was an ND Woman who claims they know a football player comment'. Not all of the females who say they know football players are 'jersey chasers' or looking for sex.

  3. that comment was obviously meant to be funny and is even more funny when it offends. thanks for making it funnier.

  4. musheno, you were always a tool

  5. my sources tell me notre dame sucks