Thursday, June 18, 2009

#28: Thinking Coors Light is Classy Beer

Before students turn the magical age of 21 that finally allows them to peruse the aisles of Belmont Beverages like it’s a toy store, they are at the mercy of upperclassmen to provide them with alcohol and sometimes even places to drink it.  Underclassmen usually find themselves at house parties with kegs or dorm parties featuring small trash cans full of beer that they will drink until the clock strikes two and everybody goes to Reckers (see #14).  This beer is almost always Keystone or Natural Light. 

Keystone and Natural Light are beers that are so abundant in the dorms that an outside observer would think they were brewed by Knute Rockne himself.  Mini-fridges from Carroll to Knott are filled to the brim with these beers that are too pitiful to be touched by Notre Dame Parents.  Notre Dame Underclassmen become so accustomed to the taste of Keystone and Natural that almost anything becomes an upgrade.

Because of this, beers such as Coors, Miller, and Bud light are seen by the Notre Dame Student to be good beers that are even classy enough to have baseball stadiums named after them.  A student that fills his mini-fridge with these fine beverages is making an investment in his drinking that most students just aren’t willing to undertake.  This student will watch his beverages carefully and make sure that others don’t take them because his investment is not meant to be stolen.

Other students who stick with the Natural and Keystone they buy from upperclassmen are shocked when they finally find themselves in the alcohol aisle at Meijer and not only realize that beer comes in bottles . . . but that the price between Keystone and Coors is nothing substantial (see #12).  These students are further shocked when they find themselves in the bars of South Bend and realize that (aside from that hell-hole on Michigan Street) beers of the Natural and Keystone brands are nowhere to be seen.  Pitchers at Finnegan’s, 32-Ouncers at The Backer, and endless glasses at Cheers [varsity] Lounge are all choice brands such as Coors, Miller, and Bud.   

Matters become worse when these students venture away from Notre Dame to visit other schools, go abroad, or even to enter the ‘real world’.  While bringing a case of Coors Light to a Notre Dame pregame might be seen as classy, it probably won’t be seen the same way anywhere else.  

9 comments:

  1. this is honestly the dumbest fucking blog i've ever seen

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  2. Keep up the good work Bob. These posts are spot on. Man I miss school already.

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  3. But Coors is classy???

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  4. this is a joke.... try a Saison, abbey tripel, or an American Wild Ale if you want classy. Coors is yellowish colored fizzy water drank by people that haven't bothered trying to discover that a whole nother world exists outside of cheap american adjunct lagers such as Miller, Bud, and Coors. Coors and Keystone are the same thing, as a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure they all pour out of the same tank at the brewery.

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  5. hey anonymous @ jan 27, do they understand sarcasm in your country?

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  6. hey anonymous @July 4, you are a massive tool. Of course we realize this now, but ND students also like being "so college" as well as pretending to have an authentic, roughing-it college experience (which is rarely the case at ND) by going with Natty. Couple these desires with complete inexperience drinking pre-college, and you get the Natty scene we have today.

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  7. I love this. My roommates said "wow, you got Coors. That's the good stuff." I almost laughed. Unfortunately the guy who chooses not to drink until he's 21 knows more about alcohol than those who do.

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  8. dumbest read EVER

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